Hipster Claims Kickapoo Joy Juice Wrecked His Personal Aircraft

Posted in Kickapoo News on July 14, 2016

NEW YORK – For most people, dirigibles are a thing of the past. But for Leopold Magnus, a 27-year-old Brooklyn native, and self-proclaimed “world’s greatest hipster,” there is no better way to travel by air. Magnus, who for some reason insisted on being called Adam, admits to being obsessed with all things vintage; an obsession that led Magnus [Adam] to build his own zeppelin-like dirigible. However, a recent accident involving the handmade floating airship is making headlines worldwide.

This is a dirigible. We didn’t know what it was either until hipster boy told us.

“My goal is to be the greatest hipster to ever live,” said Magnus [Adam]. “Most hipsters are into vintage fashion, but I’m on another level. They use smartphones, and I’m still on rotary. They use MacBooks, while I’m punching keys on my typewriter. They’re flying in jets and planes, so It’s only natural that I use vintage air travel.”

Inspired by the classic zeppelin airships of the early 20th century, recently, Magnus [Adam] built his own single-passenger, hydrogen-filled dirigible. Unfortunately, while being the most abundant element in the universe, and producing no harmful emissions; hydrogen is among the most flammable gasses on Earth.

After 1937, the year of the disaster involving the hydrogen-filled zeppelin, The Hindenburg, large airships were filled with helium to avoid a similar catastrophe. For Magnus [Adam], however, this concession was not vintage enough.

“I was aware of the consequences, and it was a risk I was willing to take,” said Magnus [Adam] when asked why he decided to use hydrogen. “Classic dirigibles were filled with hydrogen, so I never considered anything else.”

On his most recent excursion aboard his personal dirigible – a 21-day flight, 10 miles away to his parents’ home to ask for rent money – Magnus’ [Adam’s] dirigible set on fire and burned to the ground. But it is not the explosion that is causing a stir around the globe, it is the purported cause of the explosion that has millions talking.

“It was my Kickapoo Joy Juice,” said Magnus [Adam]. “It couldn’t have been anything else.”

Magnus [Adam] insists the explosive taste of Kickapoo Joy Juice sparked the flame which ignited the hydrogen gas in his dirigible.

“It happened as soon as I opened it. I saw a spark, and the next thing I know my zeppelin was on fire and crashing to the ground. It was a slow, drawn-out crash, like being in a gradually deflating balloon, but a crash nonetheless.”

While the cause of the crash has been the topic of heated debate, Magnus [Adam] was not concerned if people believed him or not. Instead, he was determined to express to the public that the day of the crash was one of the worst of his life.

“I don’t care if people believe my dirigible was set on fire by the explosive taste of Kickapoo or not. What I really want people to focus on is what I had to go through that day,” said Magnus [Adam]. “Not only did I lose my airship; my parents didn’t give me the rent money.”

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